Shift your perspective with 3ps

March 2023

"You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience. Like a muscle, you can build it up, draw on it when you need it. In that process, you will figure out who you really are and you just might become the very best version of yourself.”

Sheryl Sandberg

Last year I had a difficult experience at work. I neglected to trust my gut about a certain situation which did not to feel right. I flagged my concerns but in hindsight, not as vocally or assertively as I could have done.

The consequences were not great. People got hurt. I felt personally and solely responsible. I wish I could have turned back the clock. As a card-carrying people pleaser the idea I had let people down was devastating. I felt nauseous for days.

I usually pride myself on my ability to talk myself out of the spiral of negative thoughts that often accompany these experiences. On this occasion, I just could not shift my perspective.

Then I stumbled across Martin Seligman’s research on resilience and optimism. After decades studying how people deal with setbacks, Seligman found three P’s, critical to how we bounce back from difficult times:

1.     Personalisation: the internalisation of failure i.e. thinking that the problem is solely because of us, instead of considering that outside factors may have caused it or played a part.

2.     Permanence: the belief that a bad situation will last forever. That sense that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

3.   Pervasiveness: the belief that one setback or mistake will spread to all areas of our life.  

How can this help me?

The three P’s are common emotional reactions to how we process negative events in our lives. Recognising when we are falling into these ‘traps’ helps us challenge and change our perspective in difficult times.

Two simple exercises can help us with this:

Exercise 1 - The Reframe

Step 1 - Think of a diffiicult experience happening now or that you recently experienced.

Step 2 - Note down your thoughts about the situation as Personal, Permanent and Pervasive.

Step 3 - Repeat the exercise noting alternative thoughts under the headings Impersonal, Impermanent, and Specific.

Let's take the example of your role being made redundant. Below are some of the ways you might feel and some alternative perspectives:

Exercise 2 - Regaining Focus

Ask yourself:

• What are the many contributing factors that caused this problem? (personalisation)

• Realistically, how long is this particular situation likely to last? Will I feel like this forever? (permanence)

• Does this need to affect the rest of my life? Is the problem really that big? What’s working well? (pervasiveness)
  

The above will put things into perspective. By making better sense of the situation you will move forwards with increased confidence, clarity and optimism.

I spent around 10 minutes working through a combination of both exercises (I used the questions from exercise 2 to help me complete exercise 1). This small investment of time proved invaluable. I was able to stand back and identify what was and was not in my control. I also noted what I could learn from the experience. Critical for me was the shift from negative self-talk and feeling stuck to feeling able to move forwards.

Why not give it a go the next time you need to shift your perspective?

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