Where are you focusing your time and energy right now?

October 2022

"Anytime we think the problem is 'out there', that thought is the problem. We empower what's out there to control us"

Stephen R. Covey

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

My husband ran the London marathon on Sunday. He did well. Actually, he did really well. He’s been a consistent sub-3 hour finisher for the last few years but shaved an extra 2 minutes off last year’s personal best.

When I spoke to him on the phone shortly afterwards he was not full of the elation I’d expected. He muttered something about a ‘muck up at the start’ and needing to sit down and then hung up on me. As a supporter of his various sporting endeavours over the last 15 years, I knew better than to persevere. I gave him the space and time he needed to process.

A couple of hours later back at home (after a lie down and copious ready salted crisps washed down with flat coke) he was ready to talk. He calmly explained to me how the race organisers had set a group of slower runners off just before his wave. He is one of the ‘good for age’ runners who automatically qualify for a place based on their performance in the previous year. Having a group of slower runners in front of you, on what is already a very busy course, means he spent the first 5km wasting valuable energy weaving in and out of others and struggled to get a decent, consistent pace going. For a seasoned runner who has invested the best part of the last 6 months training specifically for this event, whose training suggested that this was to be his fastest marathon yet and who, let’s face it, is not getting any younger, this is a big deal. He estimates he could have been 1-2 minutes even faster.

Ok, I get it now.

What came next surprised me. In the 2 hours since the race, he had made peace with the situation. How? He had simply recognised and accepted that that part of the race had been entirely out of his control.

How adult I thought. How self-aware.  Would I have been able to come to this same conclusion?

Yes, I would (though admittedly I think it would have taken me a little longer!)

My husband had adopted an approach I use a lot, both personally and with those I work with, Stephen Covey’s Circles of Control, Influence and Concern.

This simple model has a multitude of applications, from dealing with uncertainty, periods of overwhelm or, as in this instance, a situation which has not gone as we’d hoped. It helps us identify where we are focusing our time and energy and importantly, where that might be better spent.

In our lives we have things that concern us, things in which we are mentally or emotionally invested. For example, our health, family, finances, work, the state of the economy or government, climate change etc. These form our circle of concern.

Of these, there will be some things we can influence. Areas we can potentially have an impact on though we cannot guarantee the outcome. These fall within our circle of influence – a smaller circle which fits inside our circle of concern.   

The most inner, smallest circle is our circle of control. Herein lie all the things that we have direct control over. This includes our own thoughts, decisions and behaviours. For example what time you wake up, what you wear, how you treat others.

Admittedly we can’t control all the thoughts that enter our heads, but we do have the power to choose whether or not we allow them to stay, or whether we might like to replace them with more helpful thoughts.

How can this help me?

It can be easy for us to focus on things outside of our control. This typically leads to feelings of hopelessness and can heighten stress. This model helps us identify and accept that some things are outside of our control. We want to be in a place where our focus is on what we can control and influence. Spending time on other things simply uses up valuable time and energy. By identifying what is within our control, we also give ourselves a sense of agency and a way forward.

Ask yourself:

• What is currently outside of my control that I need to let go of?

• What is within my control that I could be giving more time and energy to?

• What difference would that make in my life?

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